Saturday, 29 September 2012

Secret Advices

I behave erratically ,
indirectly implying advice and
twisting the subject before you realize
Hiding ulterior motives as if I had something to hide
But truth is I am sneaking diamonds into your bag
Hoping that you won't toss it out because of
The added weight on your shoulders that
Perhaps one day you'll find it and
Wear it on your sleeve

So here I am sleuthing to gain the wisdom
To slip good words into idle conversations
That maybe it'll slip off your tongue
I am hinting blatantly and nudging forcibly
Yes, I am guilty like a mother making healthy treats
Of wanting only good for you

And though I am the one speaking
And hoping and dreaming after all this time
It feels as if you, are the one who is asleep

Already have We urged unto hell many of the jinn and humankind, having hearts wherewith they understand not, and having eyes wherewith they see not, and having ears wherewith they hear not. These are as the cattle - nay, but they are worse! These are the neglectful.
Surah Al-Araf

May Allah protect us from being amongst these people

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Black History Month

We have failed to live 
The lives that they died for
 He was black
With boulders on his back
That perhaps these shoulders of ours
Won't tire in servitude to our desires that
We may push our own personal reality
Fragility an excuse not to push the boundaries
That the norms of society should break
Rather then the bones of men disgraced
Not in the least because their place
Reserved in a History of tragedy that swelled
From the pride in the hearts of I
 that he is lower than me but isn't it
Adam and Eve and the dust in his face
Was from the very place we all came
So arrogance is triviality when we are but
Fallen leaves from a forbidden tree
And so in the mercy of who we can be
From sacrifices made by the blood of the weak
Whose cries determined carried wide to guide
The hearts of men to peace and
Commonality of life
That upon strife we as human beings bleed
The same need to find internal tranquility
So I end with words marked in History
The truth is such that it is repeated unlimitedly
That this heart despite it all still dreams

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Useless Knowledge

We are all pencils.
Twisting and turning through life
Leaving trails of sharpening and destruction
In paths of a pursuit for a point
So sharp, so defined, so beyond
Our egotistical minds that our
Application comes readily with complication
That what we have found so precise , applied
Turn to black dust on the page of scrolls
Which sought to write our deeds, unachieved
Or worst still the paper rips beneath our feet
As we, toil in our deceit that from books shall gain
Life complete , unanswered questions responded to
Long ago but we are lost from a path straight  because
We wait for coordinates to a place without a need
These pencils were meant to write and the plight of us
Is that our headstrong need to be wise has brought lies
To bodies knowing but not doing as the
lead of these pencils thins
The journey from death begins

O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do?
Most hateful it is with Allâh that you say that which you do not do.
Surah As-Saff

'I have not created men and jinn except to worship Me.'
Surah Al Dhariyat

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Human Love

She covers her head with see through thread yet
It is enough to be labeled one of us and her legs
bounce delicately as she shifts in her place melting
Into him , who fiddles with tassels and
Whispers " I love you" , giggling still.

That head rests so firmly by his chest
I wonder if the beat reminds her
The same way it reminds me
After all of  his affection in what
He sought after of perfection in his selection
It pesters me to see hands entwined
And hearts close but not enough to say
"Just us" to the world because he took
Her hand without the question

I watch as she is climbing ropes
That he will let go and
Fibers dig into hands that burn
But much closer to this mind
Is a more tangible concern

How could she be so close
And yet not know that when
He leans towards her and
Lowered voices breathe one breath
Can't she feel, that he
In his claim of love is so incredibly

We are fragile beings fumbling
For hope and passion within limbs
That break and if his heart is so inclined
But no, he waits, he can bring himself to wait
Then there is no stability in our fragility
And no weight to his empty claims
He believes with the conviction
Of his throat not his soul
So if you love his words then know
They quieten with every half held dream
Of just us tomorrow

Remember with everything you give to him, the less of you there is then.
Dating is but words. Marriage is a contract.
*sigh* Don't taint the love people. Seriously, don't taint the love...

Tuesday, 18 September 2012


The Story of my Life - Part II

There is a type of anger anew
To these veins that splutter and
Silence falls lest the bile spew

He walks on the other side of the street
This kalimah stops me in my tracks
Perhaps he loves Allah too perhaps
More than I do, I want to scream

I am stone is his presence
Cannot fathom emotion , the notion
Of which is too strong

They unpick stitches one by one
At random they pull the string loose
I was once whole, now split in two

I cannot hate him, it seems
I abhor the sin that this tongue
Cannot begin to explain , the pain
That wanes when away from faces
Empty , unremembered, of the false
Promises made last September

For part one click here

Abu Qilaba reported: Abu Ad-Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, once came upon a man who was being beaten because of his sin, and they were abusing him. He said, “What do you think if he had fallen into a well, would you not try to rescue him?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “Then do not abuse your brother, and praise Allah who has protected you from sin.” They said, “Do you not hate him?” He said, “Indeed, I only hate his sinful deed, but when he leaves it then he is still my brother.”
Abu Na’eem, Hilyat Al-Awliya, 793

May Allah protect us from every evil act.
May Allah give us patience.


Monday, 17 September 2012


Shaking hands break under
The pressure of social norm
I am fast paced thinking gone wrong
My regret is such
That I hope it lasts because this
Skin is agitated, contaminated
Awaiting the silence after the storm
So the icky words pour, witness
To it all , every nerve knew
A crime of such gore
Tongue speak up in advance
Make your voice heard before
The piercing of the head
Between life and never death
Mistakes come easily in the heat
Of flames that greet
You at the door
But this Hijaabi shan't shake
The hands abhorred

"It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible to you."
Sahih Al Jaami'

Sunday, 16 September 2012

For Money

We are refilling mugs at midnight, bodies
Starting assignments we've left too long it seems
Our hands numb but still alive bleed
When paper cuts slice too deeply crying
Because the screen stings our eyes
Close at night but we fight
Our nature for increased efficiency
We toil religiously for a bitter well done
Appreciation that guilts this heart
Into higher expectations
Next time

She is all tears for a vacation
After 40 years as if they really care
We are the sacrificial lambs on the alter
Breaking bones , friendships, marriages
After a success that pains us to achieve
We are missed memories being carried
In golden carriages away from the content
We seek and they'll say how much
They loved us when we're dead perhaps
If they remember that you were
Sugar without the cream

They give us lunch breaks to feed
Everything but the soul and we are allowed
To think only what we're told
New York dreams rip at the fold
As we have fallen into the holes
That we dug so ardently for gold

'But as for him who is stingy and complacent.
And denies goodness.
We will ease his way towards difficulty.
And his money will not avail him when he plummets.'

The Night ,Quran

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Muslim Lingo

Confounded by the difficulty of
Turning a long salaam into hi , how are you
And hoping for good recompenses instead
Of thank yous, and bless yous morph
Naturally into guide you and straighten
All of your affairs all because you sneezed

My Muslim lingo recedes hesitating to say
Al-hamdulillah the weather is great today or
InshaAllah I will , but you won't know
A language of desert people chosen for us
Our homes in gardens where this is our mothers tongue
On earth we are lost
In translation there is love
For humanity, for us

Indeed awkward is Muslim lingo used outside the mosque
But fallen is this here tongue from which lofty words shake
Your being if only you knew,
but prophets did come with messages true
Peace be upon them who were afraid too that
Messages would be lost in dictation and for us
In translation but the believers still came few by few

Just ask me what it means please
If not then you've looked but not seen
You've heard without taking heed
I want to tell you about this deen
So ask me, ask me now , ask me quick
Ask me please.

He was trembling with fear. At this stage, he came back to his wife Khadijah, and said, "Cover me, ... cover me." They covered him until he restored security. He apprised Khadijah of the incident of the cave and added that he was horrified. His wife tried to soothe him and reassured him saying, "Allâh will never disgrace you. You unite uterine relations; you bear the burden of the weak; you help the poor and the needy, you entertain the guests and endure hardships in the path of truthfulness."
The Sealed Nectar

Narrated Ibn Abbas: The Prophet used to move his tongue when the divine Inspiration was being revealed to him. (Sufyan, a subnarrator, demonstrated (how the Prophet used to move his lips) and added. "In order to memorize it." So Allah revealed: "Move not your tongue concerning (the Quran) to make haste therewith." (75.16)

If you want to know what the Arabic words mean you're gonna have to ask...

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Practicing Muslim

I am practicing but fail in my acquiring
Of heights higher than hearts can see,so
Though I try to achieve this world breaks me
I have learnt the truth behind grazed knees,
You cry for a time then stand determinedly
After invoking with need the One Being,
Because falling is part of the game but
Objectives cease only when we quit

And I am practicing because I am
Not ready for the final show not
Worthy of an audience of One while
Humanity is the bystander that day

I am practicing because I have come
To realize that trying is all I can ever do
So I ask you too, not to walk unaided or
To stop the walking too, just to fall and
Say it's okay because I am trying.
Through  a belief of mercy I will touch
The gates of greater things soon.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Giving Back

The kiss of life that wakes the dead
Is the breathe that busy minds lost count
Of how heavy the hands became of fallen rain
that washed dirt paths clean again

We were born naked, screaming
Our bodies drenched in the clots of blood
From a place we knew as home but no
Longer remember drawing parallels
And scribbles for the first time
Plastic cups filled with imaginary tea
Cheeky grins beamed almost blindingly

Throughout life there are people whose
Affection moves us to kindness we never
Knew we had inside these four walls.
Throughout life there is kindness that
Fails to bring us to our knees ,that
idle minds lost the ability to find
Affection in the feel of soft palms
And the corners of a universe
we were never entitled to hold

We believe rather childishly that our
Parents are the source yet they bleed
And die at the end of a life granted
By a source to who the return is nigh
It was never ours to keep so why not
give it back in exchange for eternity

Tuesday, 11 September 2012


She is scarred knuckles and
Scared as eyes water and veins
Burst due to the pressure and
Her mum screams
Your eyes are filled with blood
The perpetual spiral of desire the
Late night horror of empty fridges and
Hearts that have yet to eat their full
The binge is sickly and sweet it is
Melted ice cream in the summer innocence
Has drowned beneath open taps to find
Lovers but never love and so she runs
To alleyways dizzy heads spew
Lies of I've eaten and the mouth erodes
Of what she's told of untruths

Alone is a dish best served in empty wrappers
She says as cruel obsession pushes her after
Dreams that are not about the food,
Outstretched palms ache as they wait
She thinks that she will fly and that is
The premise of  her demise, she slips
Air gushing past the words she'll never hear
She ran the race the wrong way and our
Greatness lies beyond this place

Monday, 10 September 2012


Uncertainty is a terrible thing
It lingers awkwardly beneath the skin
Biting lips to stop the words you
Need to say but never do
We have internalized and
Compartmentalized problems and
Buried them beneath the sinew
We feel it in our bones that
Are stark against the red of blood
That clings to our being and clots
The thoughts that pulsed so sensibly
And suffocates until red-faced choking
On the vile that does spew of
Anger at our half formed truths
Circumstance is strange, I am more
Angry at myself then I ever was with you

Friday, 7 September 2012


I am a passenger in an empty car
Being driven to tears without a need, it seems,
I want to be disappointed with the world
The kind that is manifested by wagging fingers
But it is not the view but the eyes that
Sting and burn because I am partially
Combusted, neither here nor there
The blackest of smoke dissipating
In westward winds

When I was ten I prayed into the pillow that
Tomorrow would be different
I could be born anew still holding on
To memories of that view and
Perhaps I could find my way around
A world which wasn't so brittle,
so hard edged and new

But the fuel gauge is broken
And time is stuck on now
We believe we say and sometimes
Too afraid to say even that
Because slow decisions are no decisions
Fear the day when never so slyly morphs
Into lowered heads and Default choices
Made willingly forever

'Couldst thou but see when the guilty hang their heads before their Lord, (and say): Our Lord! We have now seen and heard, so send us back; we will do right, now we are sure.'

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Strive for Naseeha

The rebellious chamber of my heart
Who brought me to my knees till
I spoke the truth that I knew
That little part of me that nagging
Voice that says do it right the first
Time is not to be wasted so
Call them with the voice that
One day will be silent and
Grab them with the hands whose
Grip is fading fast-
Run! Faster till the ankles bleed
And say the words with downcast eyes
And cry if only so you know
you're still alive and kicking in
The glittered walls, of false invitations
Looking for true inclinations
And so you're flying with the unstable
Wings that reach for the 'v' but
You're on your own you see

You live a life of please don't
But they always do
The inevitable dying
little part of you
She was not a rebel, rather
A caller, reformer who dies
For she does exactly what
She is told because she hears
The words you are wrong
Too often

Hesitation breaks the weak
Steps that we take
It is hard for this tongue to speak
When it counts
There are lessons I wish I never knew
If you ask them to come with you
They don't refuse but trip you up
before they turn away innocently
you believe with forehead grounded
that perhaps they want
To get there before you
So these become the half formed prayers of
A rather impromptu sujood.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

For when it Rains

Her hands are supple ,brave
She is not afraid to cry if
Ever she feels the need
Voice firm yet shaking just
Because the truth comes
In bits and pieces

Our hands are too quick to
drop the grains
We'll pick it up again
Nomads searching deserts we've
Made not knowing what we
held till we gave it all away

Please don't cry they say
Smile, you'll find happiness that way
She won't
Find daisies in the desert
Let the soul drink from
the untapped well of the heart
And perhaps from muddy palms
Will grow the seeds that will change
these worn desert paths

Recurring Dream

I dream a dream of misleading fields
That seemingly end where they begin
Through the bushes and the trees
There is more for this heart to see

Grass peaks innocently through stone paths
I am alone and happy wandering midst the green
With certainty of step on land unknown
I've been here before , returning home

Fellow readers hijaabi in the rain is suffering from a recurring dream unlike those before.  The dream each time is different but I always end up in a field. When I reach the end there are shrubs which I move aside and walk through to find yet a larger field with green hills stretching far into the horizon. I'm fully aware that I've been here before and it doesn't seem to bother me in the least . They say some dreams are from your own self a collection of the mundane everyday as well as those sprinkly happy side thoughts we have throughout the day . It is strange of all the places I could be, I chose to be amongst the grass, how dull, how simply wonderful.

Any photography on my blog is not my own.


Second skins and sins
The glass mirror cracks and stays
Go where the song will take you
A place of a different name

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Death in the Clouds

I look at the sky and his words come back to me . My brother, 20, told my sister ,6, what he regarded as a very interesting fact. Clouds are made of water . Yes, floating precariously above is tonnes of water that, could crush us in an instant if need be .

I am amazed that we are alive. We are prone death in more ways that we know or could even fathom. The earth is splitting apart , the skies sending down rainfall till it reaches the throats of the people, the wind rupturing trees and sending them flying through your living room . Not ours you say because we have locked the front door, our naivety has reached new bounds...

Think for just a moment of all the animals you know of. elephants , giraffes, lions, tigers , zebras, buffaloes each and everyone has the capacity to kill us . But zoos you say , zoos have fences. Yes but what about insects,venomous spiders and parasites that think your body is the prime location to set up camp. Not to mention the enemy within , your own body whats the warranty on that, one unrepairable leak or blockage , one forceful collision and thats it your gone. Even your mind could be against you , start getting the wrong ideas festering and your cause of death could actually be you.

So here we are disinfecting worktops, washing hands, eating small powdery parcels of good health and happy lives, so franticly. We are panicked lambs searching for cures to every disease and yet so conveniently we ignore death. Brushing it discretely under the carpet because we know, we all know that one day we will die. If you looked at the world around you, truly looked you would see that even the floor you walk on is waiting. Nature, animals, insects, people are all on freeze frame, waiting for the signal. The signal that says  "end" and your gone.

Somehow this reflection was lost on my sister who decided the fact wasn't interesting in the least bit. 'Tis a shame we think about the inevitable after we have lived our lives, after everything has been said and done and we sit mumbling on our death beds not knowing the answers to questions we should have asked our souls so long ago.

Every soul will taste of death. And ye will be paid on the Day of Resurrection only that which ye have fairly earned. Whoso is removed from the Fire and is made to enter paradise, he indeed is triumphant. The life of this world is but comfort of illusion.
Verse 185