Train Ride

It feels as if noises accumulate
Like falling snow on shoulders jutted
Outwards with pride , inwards with
Nothing much, masks the sound
Of passersby
One face ticks over to the next
And you'll see them filling time
Filling boxes on crosswords
Reading headlines that
Few make time to do anything about
And the worst thing is
When you see eyes in thought
Quiet crawling on the skin
The lids they
Close
How strange? How ajeeb
Over the most beneficial thing
They choose sleep
Truly, did he think that he would not have to return (to Us)!
Surah Inshiqaaq

One Autumn Later

Surpassed Part II

She was a winter coat, a long scarf and boots reaching her knees under her abaya. Her gloved hands gripped an oversized folder and occasionally a thermostat filled with coffee . She was the type to stay late at the library , typing furiously, finishing biro pen after biro pen, one job to the next. She was also the type to wait until the librarian was preoccupied and climb two flights of stairs, to walk back and forth between the shelves , just to admire long forgotten books. You’d seldom know she was there at all save for the occasional dusty finger print.

It was 4:07 when she left the house that morning, an old backpack slung across her shoulders. Less thought more walk.  There was dawn not quite sprawled across city pavements and a girl walking with such determined footing you’d never guess.

A small, black stairwell opposite the park.

It didn’t take much, just the kick of a heel, her boots flung surprisingly neatly into a corner, her bag much the same, with a small chink –a bracelet she didn’t have the heart to throw away.

Naseeha and Futility

If I took words that I
Was too weak to say
And said them anyway
If I cried and wrote poetry
If I tried
How much would be enough
I gave it everything I had this time
She told me to speak on a human level
How much more human could you get
I've ripped scabs off old wounds
Just so you can see they exist
I gave it my all
It feels like deep
Inside somethings bleeds
I gave it my all
If it isn't enough
Then I'm afraid
Terrified
That there is nothing
Else I could do

Both

The dual nature of things hurts

I wonder how it could be that
The ones you love that become the means
To save you, hurt you
And I love the person but hate the sin
Where did all our promises go?
This heart hesitates to write again
But that is how it is

I guess never agains fade
You could say things a thousand times
But if your words have no weight
then it's all just worthless

I cried when my Grandfather died
I cried when she was hospitalized
I cried when my Grandmother died
But not much
It's all relative and I have cried far more
For you, I woke countless nights
And couldn't sleep countless more
I hate the sin, I hate it like words couldn't describe
When you are stagnant in your own words for so long
I think thats when little parts of you die
Again

I'm sorry if you thought this was going to be on Ramadan , Inshallah maybe another day

The End of a Chapter

It began in a small college prayer room
And it ended in a small college prayer room
As for what came between the two
The poetry of the poets does little justice
It was all Quran, prayer and sisterhood
It was a home for uneasy hearts
There was advice and sincerity  and time
Passed so gently
You cannot explain a chapter perfectly
Without rewriting the chapter itself
Shall I start at the first salaam
Or pen the letters of a Friday sujood
Start at the beginning but my heart
It runs in loops and we've tied the loose ends
Whats left is fabric, silk and green
Gold brocade and a place
Where there are no goodbyes
Just eternity, and excellent company
Ameen

'The Deen (religion) is naseehah (advice/sincerity)'. We said 'To whom?' He (peace be upon him )said 'To Allah and His Book, and His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.'
 Muslim
As for such, theirs will be Gardens of Eden, wherein rivers flow beneath them; therein they will be given armlets of gold and will wear green robes of finest silk and gold embroidery, reclining upon throne therein. Blest the reward, and fair the resting-place!
Surah Kahf
Verse 31

What Poetry Could Suffice?

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) delivered his last sermon (Khutbah) on the ninth of Dhul Hijjah (12^th and last month of the Islamic year), 10 years after Hijrah (migration from Makkah to Madinah) in the Uranah Valley of mount Arafat. His words were quite clear and concise and were directed to the entire humanity.

After praising, and thanking Allah he (peace be upon him ) said:

“O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and TAKE THESE WORDS TO THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE PRESENT HERE TODAY.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. ALLAH has forbidden you to take usury (interest), therefore all interest obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital, however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer any inequity. Allah has Judged that there shall be no interest and that all the interest due to Abbas ibn ‘Abd’al Muttalib (Prophet’s uncle) shall henceforth be waived…

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship ALLAH, say your five daily prayers (Salah) fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except bypiety (taqwa) and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before ALLAH and answer your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, NO PROPHET OR APOSTLE WILL COME AFTER ME AND NO NEW FAITH WILL BE BORN. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the QURAN and my example, the SUNNAH and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O ALLAH, that I have conveyed your message to your people”.

Courtesy of Forever Me 

Misunderstood Feelings

You thought I found it funny
Some sort of dark humour lining my lips
I need to smile at odd times
Because to cry publicly is unacceptable
Your words touch the surface
But these scars run deep

You honestly thought I think that
If you want to guess my thoughts
Then here take them all
I know it hurts, I know you try
I know you're kind
I think sometimes I know it more than you

Lets assume that
All your assumptions are wrong
And yes I will write poetry
About the insignificant
Because perspective gives weight
It's little things like this that tie me down

Curiosity turns to cynicism so quickly
Sometimes our kindness fades
We assume, that little assumptions
Are unnoticed
We don't know how this world
Shaped each and every one of us
We don't know
The damage of our ignorance
Is fleeting
Is it pride that blocks our throats
I wonder why it is so hard to ask
To seek clarification, elaborate please
We do not know the secrets of the others heart
We barely know our own
There are scars, wounds that still bleed
To ask, to care just a little more
We don't know how deep
passing words will cut
Be nice
Be nicer
Assume good
Ask about uncertainty
Learn from anothers soul
Do not teach it what is
For it already knows

O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin... Surah Al hujarat


And by the sun and its brightness;
And by the moon as it follows it (the sun);
And by the day as it shows up (the sun's) brightness;
And by the night as it conceals it (the sun);
And by the heaven and Him Who built it;
And by the earth and Him Who spread it,
And by Nafs (Adam or a person or a soul, etc.), and Him Who perfected him in proportion;
Then He showed him what is wrong for him and what is right for him;
Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself
Surah Shams

Foreshadowing

Friday's cannot just deteriorate
I on the other hand can quite easily

The first three hours are bearable
But soon after that I find myself
Willing this non muslim to recite
Any surah would do, I think
Because the more she speaks
the more I think of the irony
She speaks of genes and base sequencing
Microorganisms , batch culture growth
Enzymes and all sorts of oddities
And there is no elephant in the room
But a universally accepted truth
That we focusing on little details miss
I didn't make these things and neither did you
I didn't create myself or you
There is a God
And today is Friday
What are we doing?

It took six hours before I
Entered a lonely prayer room
The turn out on the other side of the barrier
Is male and quite a few
But here there is just one prayer mat
A strange spaceful silence fills the rows

Do I need to get used to lonely Friday's
Empty prayer rooms,
Quran whose pages are seldom touched
Is this what it boils down to
When the going gets tough
And all disappointment lands on myself
I am without excuse
The names of the absent
Slip from my tongue, onto upturned palms
In ten,twenty years time will there still be lonely Fridays
Will it just be me, a one woman congregation
Will all we have is prayers sent between lovers
And faintly held memories of Quran in the wind
A khutbah, azaan, outdoor sujoods
Sincerity and sincerely how much weight
Will these things hold
the earth of the grave from our faces
Because it is all so few and far between
Falling short in friday dreams

My heart is heavy with the trivial
It is pulling me down
Deeper,
Deeper still
To unload and unpack
Settled dust
And hearts that are black
To wipe the slate, to pray
To improve
Why that room is ever empty
Does not make sense to me
To sleep through
dreamlike Fridays
Regrettable, oh so regrettable

The Heaviness of a Heart

There is a heaviness
In my bones I think
There is a weight that chokes

Little parts of me are dying
They say sometimes
You dig your own grave
And sins stick like dirt
To the tips of my fingers
And there is hurt everywhere I look
I am scared of my grave
Scared what I've dug for myself
This worldly life absorbs
Deeper, deeper still
I am so far below
It chokes, it chokes

Everyday is a little closer
They will say goodbye to me for the last time
And I will close my eyes for the last time
My chest will heave for the last time

Regrets pile to the point of suffocation
And life dies into idle afternoons
I am trying to be good, well behaved
Cross legged on carpets,fingers touch the lips
But it so easy to forget
But I am slipping ever closer
To try harder she says
But it is harder than I thought
This heart of mine

On the authority of Ibrāhīm (رحمه الله تعالى) who said, “Once ‘A’ishah passed by a tree and she said,
‘I wish I was a leaf of this tree.’”
[Kitāb az-Zuhd (345/10]
The Sins of a Soul

Final

It felt like my final Friday though
It wasn't or at least it shouldn't be
Because home is where the heart is
And I really shouldn't need to explain

This Jummah was fuller than usual
From the corner at the back of the hall
My silent prayers reached somewhere
Where they were heard and responded to

If this is the final jummah then
Where are you?
They tell me to forget , to move on
But the piles and piles of prayers are recorded
We have prayed for you in rain, in sujood
With such painful hope we prayed

I wonder at the day that
We make it home to Jannah
Will I look in wonder where
Are you, did you make it
On the back of a prayer,
Because the streets were empty this Friday
And you were not in that hall
I keep reminding myself that two years
Is not very long at all to hope
God's bounty is without bounds
We will find our way home
We will
Ameen

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Let not any one of you say, 'O Allah, forgive me if You will, O Allah, have mercy on me if You will.' Let him be resolute in the matter, whilst knowing that no one can compel Allah to do anything." (Bukhari)

That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.Surah Nur

"And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'' 4:110
Narrated Sahel Ibn Sa'ad (RA): that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'Two will not be rejected, Supplication when the Adhan (call of prayer) is being called, and at the time of the rain'.
[Al-Hakim 2: 114, and Abu Dawud #2540, ibn Majah] 

http://fiqhulhadith.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/the-forgotten-sunnah-standing-in-the-rain/

College

I need to concentrate
But the importance of such things eludes me
This work is not strenuous, a manageable load
One that slips from my hands
The papers are a mess on the floor
If I pick up these pieces of knowledge
Will they seep into my skin like
The ink of poetry on my wrist
Will I find myself living
The words I wrote, the
Words I memorized
By heart
Learn it by heart
But my heart is somewhere far
From classrooms
I try to call it back but it is
Too filled with things I love
Too heavy to return

The Questioning

I shouldn't draw such comparisons
But how else will I see the face of what I've become

They asked me to talk about the things I love
I thought of a room three walls and a wooden barrier
The sound of recitation , the early morning silence
The way the colours of the light change

They asked me what I would miss the most
The peoples whose shoulders touched mine in prayer
The prayer room , The prayer room

They asked me what I would do differently, if I had my time again
I would build a mineret and never venture into the Refect
Spend more time in my room ,
My room with three walls

But I forget under the lights
They smile as if everything is right
But it's not,
Two people, flesh and bones
Took the thoughts from my head
And death I think
How when faced by angels
Three questions again
How will I get it right?

When the legs are crossed
And the soul reaches the throat
Not a change of lighting but of life
Will my tongue remember
The kalimah I claimed to love
Or will strange worldly things slip
Me from my place in Heaven.

It was narrated that al-Bara’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: We went out with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for the funeral of a man from among the Ansaar. We came to the grave and when (the deceased) was placed in the lahd, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sat down and we sat around him, as if there were birds on our heads (i.e., quiet and still). In his hand he had a stick with which he was scratching the ground.

Then he raised his head and said, “Seek refuge with Allaah from the torment of the grave”, two or three times. Then he said, “When the believing slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with white faces like the sun, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. They bring with them shrouds from Paradise and perfumes from Paradise. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O good soul, come forth to forgiveness from Allaah and His pleasure.’ Then it comes out easily like a drop of water from the the mouth of a waterskin. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that shroud with that perfume, and there comes from it a fragrance like the finest musk on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this good soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the best names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is opened, and (the soul) is welcomed and accompanied to the next heaven by those who are closest to Allaah, until they reach the seventh heaven. Then Allaah says: ‘Record the book of My slave in ‘Illiyoon in the seventh heaven, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is returned to his body and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Allaah.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘My religion is Islam.’ They say, ‘Who is this man who was sent among you?’ He says, ‘He is the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ They say, ‘What did you do?’ He says, ‘I read the Book of Allaah and I believed in it.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘My slave has spoken the truth, so prepare for him a bed from Paradise and clothe him from Paradise, and open for him a gate to Paradise.’ Then there comes to him some of its fragrance, and his grave is made wide, as far as he can see. Then there comes to him a man with a handsome face and handsome clothes, and a good fragrance, who says, ‘Receive the glad tidings that will bring you joy this day.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which brings glad tidings.’ He says, ‘I am your righteous deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, hasten the Hour so that I may return to my family and my wealth.’ But when the disbelieving slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with black faces, bringing sackcloth, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O evil soul, come forth to the wrath of Allaah and His anger.’ Then his soul disperses inside his body, then comes out cutting the veins and nerves, like a skewer passing through wet wool. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that sackcloth, and there comes from it a stench like the foulest stench of a dead body on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this evil soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the worst names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is not opened.” Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited (interpretation of the meaning): 
“for them the gates of heaven will not be opened, and they will not enter Paradise until the camel goes through the eye of the needle”

[al-A’raaf 7:40] 

He said: “Then Allaah says, ‘Record the book of My slave in Sijjeen in the lowest earth, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is cast down.”  Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited the verse (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and whoever assigns partners to Allaah, it is as if he had fallen from the sky, and the birds had snatched him, or the wind had thrown him to a far off place”

[al-Hajj 22:31] 

He said: “Then his soul is returned to his body, and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘Prepare for him a bed from Hell and clothe him from Hell, and open for him a gate to Hell.’ Then there comes to him some of its heat and hot winds, and his grave is constricted and compresses him until his ribs interlock. Then there comes to him a man with an ugly face and ugly clothes, and a foul stench, who says, ‘Receive the bad news, this is the day that you were promised.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which forebodes evil.’ He says, ‘I am your evil deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, do not let the Hour come, do not let the Hour come.’” 

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4753; Ahmad, 18063 – this version was narrated by him. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1676.

Nay, when (the soul) reaches to the collar bone (i.e. up to the throat in its exit),

And it will be said: "Who can cure him and save him from death?"

And he (the dying person) will conclude that it was (the time) of departing (death);

And leg will be joined with another leg (shrouded)

The drive will be, on that Day, to your Lord (Allah)!

So he (the disbeliever) neither believed (in this Qur'an, in the Message of Muhammad peace be upon him) nor prayed!

 Again, woe to you [O man (disbeliever)]! And then (again) woe to you!

 But on the contrary, he belied (this Qur'an and the Message of Muhammad peace be upon him) and turned away!Then he walked in full pride to his family admiring himself!

Woe to you [O man (disbeliever)]! And then (again) woe to you!

Does man think that he will be left Suda [neglected without being punished or rewarded for the obligatory duties enjoined by his Lord (Allah) on him]?

Was he not a Nutfah (mixed male and female discharge of semen) poured forth?

Then he became an 'Alaqa (a clot); then (Allah) shaped and fashioned (him) in due proportion.

And made him in two sexes, male and female.

Is not He (Allah Who does that), Able to give life to the dead? (Yes! He is Able to do all things).

Surah Qiyamah

The Mirrored Girl

The Story of My Life Part VII

There is Quran and
Prayers to be made
Late night tears
Some semblance of piety

There is a dull ache
I am not oblivious
Just teary eyed in a public space
No longer knowing why

The turn out for Jummah was good
Didn't make the second jammat
I am constantly late for things
It would be the story of my life
If not for you

I am staring at the girl
On the other side of the street
No metaphors there never were
I told myself I wouldn't
How sorry I will be
When my eyes speak of what they saw

I will be held to account
Recounting every Friday
Every missed opportunity

I look at you and hope
That you will never cross that road

I don't remember when
You became the girl
The story of my life
When I first  found pieces of you scattered
In this guilty conscious

Part VIPart V
Part IV
Part III
Part II
Part I

The Seeds

Early spring shone on worktops
Eyes fixated on a crystal jug, small cups
Dates leaned on one another
Her eyes could not help but well with
The scents of a foreign land so familiar
Of Ramadan nights,early rise
They drank filling the thirst of the soul
The fulfillment of a need
So well complete, to never dry
Time gone by
Salsabil she thought ,she could not dream
The simplicity
The fulfillment of a need
The completion of a promise
An empty jug and date seeds

Oh Allah, let us reach Ramadan  اللهمَّ بلِّغْنا رَمَضَان

But the ones who believe and do righteous deeds - We will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever. [It is] the promise of Allah , [which is] truth, and who is more truthful than Allah in statement.
Surah Nisa

Everyone upon the earth will perish,
And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor.
Surah Rehman

Ibn ‘Abbaas (radiyallahu ta’ala ‘anhu) narrates that he gave the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) the water of Zamzam and the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) drank the water of Zamzam whilst standing.
Bukhari

“O our Lord! I have made some of my offspring to dwell in an uncultivable valley by Your Sacred House (Kabah in Makkah), O our Lord, so that they may perform Salah. So fill some hearts among men with love towards them, and O Allah provide them with fruits so that they may give thanks.”
14:37

"And there they will be given a cup whose mixture is of Zanjabil (ginger). A fountain there, called Salsabil."
Surah Al Insan


Anas b. Mâik narrates that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) used to break his fast with fresh dates before going to prayer. When fresh dates were unavailable, he would break his fast with dried dates. When dried dates were unavailable, he would take a few sips of water.
Sunan Abî Dâwûd (2356)

On Beauty and Weddings II

Part One Here

She smiled a pleasant smile
As she left
For the guests were so entwined
Man and women side by side
Unmarried but keen

This heart fluttered,
Heavy heads just want
To prostrate then and there
'Please don't let me die here'

'Destroy the sound system'
She prayed whispered prayers
Between main course and dessert
She wondered how the sins looked
Piled to chandeliers of fake light

She wondered at this man
Incredulous at his love
The way the eyes stared at his wife
The cameras as they shined
Flash, flash,flash
Could no one see

A bearded man
Screamed prayers between
Musical interludes

We are muslims so we don't drink
But your food hangover , vomit in the sink
Head spins,shoes on
Witr is it must?Did we even pray Isha salah
We are muslim so we lift veils
Onto our heads when we hear Quran
And wrap necklaces round our forehead
Lest our  adornment was concealed
We are muslim yet we lie,backbite
Broken family ties,lipstick red
Like blood they'd take from your veins
Cheap salaams,dagger eyes
Debt, expense,expanse of pride
Here, have your cake
And eat it
Consumption till we die
It is all so vile
This is how you begin your lives?


And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts and not show of their adornment except only that which is apparent, and draw their veils over their (necks and) bosoms and not reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male servants who lack vigor, or small children who have no knowledge of women's private parts. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn you all to Allah in repentance, O believers, that you may be successful.
Surah Noor

Narrated Sahl bin Sad: 
The Prophet  peace and blessings be upon him said to a man, "Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring."
Bukhari

Prophet Muhammad (may Allah's blessings and peace be up upon him) said: "The whole world is a place of useful things and the best thing of this world is a virtuous woman (wife)."
Muslim

 Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: I heard the Prophet  peace and blessings be upon him saying, "If the son of Adam (the human being) had two valley of money, he would wish for a third, for nothing can fill the belly of Adam's son except dust, and Allah forgives him who repents to Him."  
Bukhari

Peace

Will you write me a letter to my heart?

Yours was beautiful suffering if
ever such a thing was uttered
Thoughtful speech so deep that
One could swim
In the words between the worlds
Yours was a wonderful smile
And I will find myself between
The lines of a life so well lived
I wonder at the look of tears
Strolling , clinging to your face
Yours was soul with such capacity
A love so true and a
hope cut like a crystal
So well defined , those eyes
They cried and I
Cannot quite
comprehend it

Yours was a way etched
And time entrusted to deliver
This letter to my heart
Peace be on you , a thousand
A thousand times
Oh Messenger of Allah

Narrated Anas bin Malik: We went with Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Apostle took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) started shedding tears. 'Abdur Rahman bin 'Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn 'Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation."  
Sahih Bukhari

The Sins of a Soul

I am not what you see
Broken histories reside
In my mind tainted
By the little I remember

There is so much more
I am so much worse

If I could rip open this chest
And show you the festering mess
Of half kept promises
To what degree would you
Detest the sight of me

The grotesque detail of sins
That your protected eyes
Wouldn't have thought of me
I am the sum of criminalities
On the run to the court of the King

I'd like to believe that our flesh
Is trivial
That perhaps your soul could recognize
The scars in me, not quite knowing
The extent of the fall
Not needing to know at all

The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!"
Saheeh al-Bukharee

The Train

They were chubby cheeked girls
On their way back from the History Museum
'Everybody is a little fat , just a teeny
Weeny bit fat , even me'
I wondered how many years till
She'd cut lines onto that same waist
That they poked so playfully
Her mother stroking fingers through curled hair
Dyed blue straightened towards an inch of
Her life could change so rapidly
Those wide eyes lined black
No more woolly hats
She'd wear short shorts in the rain

Don't cry You shouldn't cry on trains

He almost had a beard
She was covered save face
It was so strange for I
Couldn't quite believe that 
Leather gloves could touch so readily

They were on stage
And this world was a screen
Illusionary

Despite the raw grief
To lecture them you would
have to shout across the seats
Humiliation is not sincerity But please,
Again , don't cry.

They read books, play games on phones
But when their man made signal goes
How will they know
Which way is home?



Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

3:185

'The Deen (religion) is naseehah (advice/sincerity)'. We said 'To whom?' He said 'To ALLAH and His Book, and His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk.'
Related by Muslim

The Prayers

The Story of my Life Part VI

An opportunity to speak
Gone
Ya Allah give me strength
And speech so sweet that I
Could be the means
Oh my Lord forgive me

I'm walking behind you
There are no salaams stuck in this throat
In that split second I decided that I couldn't do this
How little I remember ?
How seldom I reflect ?

I have hastened important decisions
Wrongly I wait
And fate it does not deliberate
Over duas sincere

I am walking behind you
Watching the steps that you take
The way you took the entrance on the left
Scares me more than it should
Your life is becoming one big poem
And truth is my poems are rarely any good

You are more than the sum of my writings, more than unsaid words.When my sister, when will you recognize your worth?

Part V
Part IV
Part III
Part II
Part I

[Moses] said, "My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance]
And ease for me my task
And untie the knot from my tongue
That they may understand my speech.
And appoint for me a minister from my family -
Aaron, my brother.
Increase through him my strength
And let him share my task
That we may exalt You much
And remember You much.
Indeed, You are of us ever Seeing."
Surah Taha

And man supplicates for evil as he supplicates for good, and man is ever hasty.
Surah Al- Isra

The supplication of a slave continues to be granted as long as he does not supplicate for a sinful thing or for something that would cut off the ties of kinship and he does not grow impatient.” It was said: “O Messenger of Allah! What does growing impatient mean?” He (PBUH) said, “It is one’s saying: `I supplicated again and again but I do not think that my prayer will be answered.’ Then he becomes frustrated (in such circumstances) and gives up supplication altogether.
Related in Muslim.

"Nothing could change the qadar except du`a’.
Tirmidhi

Sorry Again

I have added to your sadness
You never cry but you nearly did
For I forgot so miserably
Promises wading in and out of your eyes

It is no excuse but I didn't think
That those words meant so much

I'm sorry
If I could tell you the things I remembered
The prayers made in surrender,
Lofty dreams
I asked for things for you
That I feel shy in asking for myself
Extravagant dreams of sleepless nights
Building higher and higher in these open palms
These secrets are accepted readily
So it is only out of necessity I share this with you

My heart won't let me truly forget
We were a one year friendship extended
Because of goodbyes that I couldn't dream to say
There is a sorry who found its way into verse
I am weak but I must find the strength
To remove the hurt

A prayer by a Muslim for his brother in his absence is always answered. 
Bukhari

They will say, “O Allah! (Save) our brothers (for they) used to pray with us, fast with us and also do good deeds with us.” Allah will say, “Go and take out (of Hell) anyone in whose heart you find faith equal to the weight of one (gold) Dinar.” Allah will forbid the Fire to burn the faces of those sinners. They will go to them and find some of them in Hell (Fire) up to their feet, and some up to the middle of their legs. So they will take out those whom they will recognize and then they will return, and Allah will say (to them), “Go and take out (of Hell) anyone in whose heart you find faith equal to the weight of one half Dinar.” They will take out whomever they will recognize and return, and then Allah will say, “Go and take out (of Hell) anyone in whose heart you find faith equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant),” and so they will take out all those whom they will recognize.
Bukhari

Cardamom Pods

She came from a foreign land
Holding bags and warm tales
Of life and humanity across the globe

There were two sad cardamom pods
Amongst the empty space
A girl she came , she ate

The women she talks for sometime
Dubai she says
The girl leaves not wanting to interrupt
The girl is sad
Not wanting to finish the pot
Her silver reflection staring upwards

The women leaves
Gifts she had three
They were strange to say the least

Pistachio nuts
Dates filled with sweet stuff
And a freezer bag of cardamom pods

What was written for the girl came
She praised the One deserving of praise
He creates the means, He does sustain

Right graciously did her Lord accept her: He made her grow in purity and beauty: To the care of Zakariya was she assigned. Every time that he entered (Her) chamber to see her, He found her supplied with sustenance. He said: "O Mary! Whence (comes) this to you?" She said: "From Allah: for Allah Provides sustenance to whom He pleases without measure."
3:37

Your Guardian-Lord is Allah, Who created the heavens and the earth in six periods, and is firmly established on the throne (of authority): He draws the night as a veil over the day, each seeking the other in rapid succession: He created the sun, the moon, and the stars, (all) governed by laws under His command. Is it not His to create and to govern? Blessed be Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds!
7:54

Testing

I have met you again
Those same eyes ,faltering hands
Uneasy demands about unasked questions

The same lessons begging to be learnt
Find their way into my life through various friends
Just a few more months to rectify
The wrong doings that have piled beneath the books

I owe you something
I am here to give you something
To teach you something
Be the means to those dreams made so long ago

But I have not
I  have failed in ways hidden by mercy
My life , my words , the way these eyes wince
And this heart can't quite place
Pieces that I'd dropped
My sadness eating away at everything
I fear that I had tested not taught
And the questions that I posed
Were difficult for you


We never sent before thee any messengers but lo! they ate food and walked in the markets. And We have appointed some of you a test for others: Will ye be steadfast? And thy Lord is ever Seer.
Surah Furqan 
Ayah 20

“My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: “O so-and-so! Last night I did this and that.” He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!”
Saheeh al-Bukhari

Friday Flashbacks

It was eleven thirty-five, when this
Heart pounded against the chest, spontaneously
And death
Of the body ,I thought
But soul,definitely so
Many days I did wait
But never came
Forever late
She was a girl and hers was a story
Of footsteps on the brink
We were tourists wondering if she'll jump
These were hands shaking at the weight
Of unsaid words
And he , he coerced
Guilty tears were all we had to give

I've been here in this tiny piece of cyberspace
Writing about how much I failed to do for you
Haphazardly balancing patience on this heart
Anybody could write a poem
I wrote you a blog

And God he wrote your life
He heard you through your cries
Just try
For your sake more than mine

Say, O my servants who have wronged themselves: despair not of Allah's mercy; surely Allah forgives all sins; surely, He is Most Merciful and Compassionate
(39:53)

Lo! This is a Reminder. Let him who will, then, choose a way unto his Lord.
Surah 25:57

The similitude of the believers in their compassion, mercy, and affection toward each other is like a single body. When one organ ails, the whole body suffers and reacts.
Bukhari

The deeds most loved by Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) are those that are done regularly even though they may be few. 
Bukhari

Stay Strong

Her eyes well defined of love so repressed
She had fought back tears, lowered heads and unanswered texts
These years had drifted by in flightless hope
She had dreamed a dream which found its way
Through her mind in endless sleep

Oh, her heart was given to another
A second in his hands
Little shards of glass
Cut messages of how it could've been

Abstinence was neither cure nor true prevention
But intentions to do this right ran high
Higher and higher in rank ,these feet would numb
To run to eternity but there was no need
Because her heart was molten love

Her heart was a heat that burnt through false dreams
It was sincere belief that these upturned palms
Could never be returned to her empty
Liquid glass she shaped
Making prayers not dreams
Whispering to Him because he had already heard and seen

This was not a case of forget and move on
This was a reminder , so remember
This is time for your surrender
Because destiny breathes through glorious decree
Sweet airs of piety

“And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”
Ar Room 30:21

“There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.”
Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200

“When we speak of rulings of love, we must describe two things. One is optional and one is not. The optional love is what leads to love (eyesight, association, etc.) and this is the love that you have to beware of (for it may lead to unlawful acts.) The non optional love, if it happens by the sudden look, or natural passions that develop, you cannot be blamed for it, but it’s how you react to it that Allah will hold you to accountable for.”
Ibn Qayyim

The Messenger peace be upon him said “If a man whose practice of the religion satisfies you, asks you for your daughter in marriage, you should marry them; otherwise there will be corruption in the land.”
Tirmidhi Hasan

“The finest quality that a man can display in Love is continence: to abstain from sin and all indecency. For so he will prove himself to be not indifferent to the heavenly reward, that eternal bliss reserved by God for those who dwell in His everlasting kingdom, neither will he disobey his Master Who has been so gracious to him, in appointing him to be a creature worthy to receive His commandments and prohibitions, Who sent unto him His Messengers, and caused His Word to be immovably established with him-all this as a mark of His care for us, and His benevolence towards us.”
Tawq Al Hamamah-Ibn Hazm

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Bukhari


I am as My servant thinks I am . I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
Hadith Qudsi

Patience

Patience is the silence that fills the space between you and I
It has coddled me gently into an open eyed sleep where
Dreams are as real as you want them to be

The thing about patience is that it is there with everything else
It will cup the tears in upturned palms and whisper soft truths
Slowly breaking through perceptions and reminding that
Indeed the author of your story is All-merciful

"Patiently, then, persevere - for the Promise of Allah is true, and ask forgiveness for your faults, and celebrate the praises of your Lord in the evening and in the morning."
40:55

"Verily man is in loss, except such as have faith, and do righteous deeds, and join together in the mutual enjoining of truth, and of patience and constancy."
103:2-3

"Seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard except for those who are humble."
2:45

"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere."
2:153

Ali reported: We were in a funeral in the graveyard of Gharqad that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) came to us and we sat around him. He had a stick with him. He lowered his head and began to scratch the earth with his stick, and then raid: There is not one amongst you whom a scat in Paradise or Hell has not been allotted and about whom it has not been written down whether he would be an evil person or a blessed person. A person said: Allah's Messenger, should we not then depend upon our destiny and abandon our deeds? Thereupon he said: Acts of everyone will be facilitated in, that which has been created for him so that whoever belongs to the company of the blessed will have good works made easier for him and whoever belongs to the unfortunate ones will have evil acts made easier for him. He then recited this verse (from the Qur'an): "Then, who gives to the needy and guards against evil and accepts the excellent (the truth of Islam and the path of righteousness it prescribes), We shall make easy for him the easy end and who is miserly and considers himself above need, We shall make easy for him the difficult end". (XCii. 5-10).
Sahih Bukhari

Next Friday

I have found my mistakes lingering
In these narrow corridors and I
Am stuck behind the queue
These shoulders are weightless not wanting
To bump into my mis-fortunate history of
Blank faces stripped of all life due
To the weakness on my behalf

They talk of a girl so similar to her
One fading in and out of reality
The one who searched and
Found with closed eyes the
Causing of her demise
There is no advice
Save her

One by one
One day it will be us
Eight-six thousand four hundred
Seconds of prayer later
These mistakes will finally move and
We will be lowered heads,
Finding speed in feet and hearts
Who will arrive so readily into
A much missed prayer room

Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Allah’s Messenger (SAW) talked about Friday and said:
'There is an hour on Friday and if a Muslim gets it while offering Salat (prayer) and asks something from Allah (SWT), then Allah (SWT) will definitely meet his demand.' And he (the Prophet (SAW) pointed out the shortness of that particular time with his hands.
Sahih al-Bukhari

Blue Coat

The Story of my Life Part V

There are icy paths between you
And eyes set on the horizon
I feel sorry for my feet sometimes
They never know whether to listen to
My heart and my mind in conflict
Swapping sides, thinking, feeling
Knowing pales to believing

I cannot grip these slippery thoughts
I stare at these feet wondering why
The distance does not decrease
You are still some blue blur mixing
With the sky tonight, I pray
For rain because
You are gone

How typical is this of you to be
Just between these fingers
But you are no metaphor locked between
These stanzas don't do justice to how real
Everything becomes
Over time
I will slip again and again
The snow will melt and so will I
Little pools of prayer, of sadness at your feet
Then maybe you will see
Everything that I have seen

Frayed

We are intertwined into this quilt of life
Puncturing through my being , leaving
Little holes you fill so readily with memories
I have lost myself in you all
Coloured threads sitting together
In this pseudo joy and warmth
Fraying at the corners of our individuality
Your history blurs with mine
We are a knotted mess of friends
Of loose ends lost from time to time

One cut, a snip
This fabric rips

To die this death alone
To know that every interaction with humanity
Can never weave me back  into
The place of eternity
Will you remember me
Does it matter
We are but silent weeping
Threads falling amongst dusty air
I lost myself amongst you all
And I , I am terrified at what I will find
When all matter has settled

And all matters are settled

And fear a Day when no soul will suffice for another soul at all, and no compensation will be accepted from it, nor will any intercession benefit it, nor will they be aided.
2:123

Back in our Jahiliyyah

Text Message Part III

One hundred and something characters break this heart
One fajr two Ramadans passed
You were tiptoeing religiously just like we used to

Back in my jahiliyyah is our once upon a time
Back when we started practicing, rehearsing
The words were foreign on the tongue
Acting more religious than we felt hoping
This make believe would become reality

There were salaahs prayed for the first time
Truly lifting burdens from our minds
We were converts into a religion we were born into
Open ears to our first youtube sheikh
Suddenly the pieces fell into place
An imaan boost after a decade of waiting not
Doing as much as we could now

Do you remember that first awkward
Moment of trying to improve
It became natural so soon for our souls
Do you remember reading the fiqh of wudhu
Because you actually cared and
Sticking your fingers in your ears when
Music played from cars because
You gave it up for Allah
Lopsided scarves, black socks and
Early morning Quran and mouldy miswaaks

We'd been living on our knees
Crawling but then we finally thought
To walk, to run, to live

She was so close to coming too
Things started falling for her too
But she chose a different place
Oh how I wish she would've waited
Teetering steps were short lived
Yes we'd still buckle and cry and laugh
But we found our feet,
We found our path
We found our hearts


O People of the Scripture, there has come to you Our Messenger making clear to you much of what you used to conceal of the Scripture and overlooking much. There has come to you from Allah a light and a clear Book.By which Allah guides those who pursue His pleasure to the ways of peace and brings them out from darknesses into the light, by His permission, and guides them to a straight path.
Surah Al-Maidah

Allah the Exalted said, `O son of Adam! If you mention Me to yourself, I will mention you to Myself. If you mention Me in a gathering, I will mention you in a gathering of the angels (or said in a better gathering). If you draw closer to Me by a hand span, I will draw closer to you by forearm’s length. If you draw closer to Me by a forearm’s length, I will draw closer to you by an arm’s length. And if you come to Me walking, I will come to you running
.Sahih Al Bukhari

“You will never give up something for the sake of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allah will replace it with something that is better for you than it.”
Narrated by Ahmad

Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash’ari (Allah be pleased with him) reports that he heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say: “There will appear people in my Ummah, who will hold adultery, silk, alcohol and musical instruments to be lawful”
Sahih al-Bukhari(there is considered a difference between listening and hearing music , you can look it into that. Just so you know you don't HAVE to put your finger in your ears but there is a hadith where the prophet peace and blessing be upon him does just that)


Parts I and II

Chronic

She is screaming strange sounds
I unaware as the breath is stuck in her throat
These feet are running but it's too late
Her fate is breaking me piece by piece

Its been two decades of suppressed
Tears that no longer flow
She whispers supplications under her breath
Oh give us strength
She is breaking

Her pain has a way of
Rearranging itself from time to time
Her back, legs, head, stomach, arm , chest
Where it begins it will end
Little tablets and empty scans show
Nothing more, the eyes can't see

She is dying and I , I am
Rousing her from her sleep
They have hurt her in ways I cannot believe
Yet she is strong moving fingers rhythmically
Fulfilling obligations despite the knees that
Buckle under the weight of
Patience on her forehead
Grounded in hope

Her body is dying slowly
These eyes awake to hidden truths
Of the promises she so fervently believed

Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Apostle said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn."
Bukhari

Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials."
Bukhari

Say: "I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of the daybreak,
From the evil of what He has created;
And from the evil of the darkening (night) as it comes with its darkness; (or the moon as it sets or goes away).
And from the evil of the witchcrafts when they blow in the knots,
And from the evil of the envier when he envies.
Surah Falaq


Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind, 
The King of mankind, 
The God of mankind, 
From the evil of the sneaking whisperer, 
Who whispereth in the hearts of mankind, 
Of the jinn and of mankind.
Surah Naas

Self Harm

Your skin is sliced into
A thousand pieces of life
Fall into blood ridden palms
So this is it a sharpened blade
Pain that breathes with the limbs
Your blood is same colour as mine
But it is ultimately the soul that defines
The state of our twisted minds pushing
Towards an oblivion where the warmth
Of blood against the wrists is the only thing worth
Living an inferno, desiring ever more behind those eyes
Is such turmoil, blackness seeping into everything else her
Smile it's a lie , her life is the warm up before hell consuming
But never filled, never found, never truly lived or opened ears
To a sound thats calling your soul to eternity
There are scars on your heart that need to heal
Questions to be answered why, you and now and I
Beckon towards peace of mind uncut
A natural inclination , too much forgetting
Don't you remember, this addiction  of insanity
Your holding on for an answer
To an unasked question lost amongst the misery

And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind."
Surah Taha

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured."
Those who have believed and done righteous deeds - a good state is theirs and a good return.
Surah Ar-Ra'd

Related Posts

Bulimia

Anorexia

New Year

Dedicated to a revert

She is a quiet amble down paths
That are worn of footsteps so long ago when
Every moment of living and life was grabbed
Until suffocation, smiling , jaws begin to ache
To celebrate what she
Will never know

It is New Years Eve in the other room

Their is a great sadness on our souls
Of unfulfilled goals and untruths festering
Beneath failed attempts to rectify

I imagine what it was like to stand and call
Hoards of people, of friends and family
On the brink of hope for heaven
To speak so truthfully
With a heart filled with the love of humanity
Turned away from him

They were alone except
God watched from his throne
One step closer to paradise
To life and living eternally

Muawiyah bin Al-Hakam As-Salmi said: 
"I had a slave-girl who used to herd sheep for me. One day I discovered that a wolf had killed one of her sheep, and I'm a man from the children of Adam, I get upset like they get upset, and I slapped her in the face. Then I went to the Prophet who impressed upon me the seriousness of my act. I said, 'O Messenger of Allah, should I not set her free?' He said, 'Bring her to me.' He asked her, 'Where is Allah', She said, 'He is above the heavens.' He said, 'Who am I?' She said, 'You are the Messenger of Allah.' He said, 'Free her, for she is a believer.'
Muslim and Abu Dawud

, 'tell me, if I were to inform you that there was a band of horseman behind this mountain, would you believe me?' 'Certainly' answered the Makkans, 'to us you are above suspicion. We have never heard you utter an untruth.' The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم then informed the gathered Makkans, 'I am a messenger of warning, coming to you before impending painful punishment.... until you say that Allah is One.'
(I found this story narrated in several websites but was unable to find a source if some could find an authentic chain of narration it would be much appreciated)

Have We not opened your breast for you (O Muhammad ( peace be upon him))?
And removed from you your burden,
Which weighed down your back?
And raised high your fame
So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
So when you have finished (from your occupation), then stand up for Allah's worship (i.e. stand up for prayer).
And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your intentions and hopes and) your invocations.
Surah Ash- Sharh


And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, "Indeed, I am of the Muslims."
Surah Fussilat

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/145893